Keep up or get left behind. Oh my goodness this is a powerful, controversial statement. Selfish, yes. True, yes. Have I been left behind, certainly. It ranks right up there with one of my go to mantras, "Go big or go home." I know, I know. I do have a competitive streak. Absolutely. I love to win. I love to be the best, or at least hang with the best. Bottom line, I actively seek the feeling of competence. And that's not bad. It can go too far, and keeping that competitive nature in check is certainly something I work with a lot.
But I coach 7 year olds at soccer. Fun, learning the game, being a team, all of that is more important than winning. And the secret is that all of that actually adds up to winning. We work on foundations. We practice. We have a blast on and off the field, while running and while taking breaks and eating popsicles. We support and love each other even when we make mistakes. We help players who are new, who are struggling. Wow. How can I incorporate that into the rest of my life? And where does my original statement come into play? Hmmm. Well, the players help each other keep up. And they SHOW UP! And they look out for each other so that no one gets left behind. But let me tell you, if there is a player who is straggling, who isn't playing up to par, who maybe has given up on them self, the team of the game, who isn't, dare I say it, keeping up, the TEAM lets them know. The others players bring it up. They encourage and support but they also are there to keep each other on their toes and to encourage each other to do their best.
Its not acceptable to give up. It isn't ok not to try. Even, especially, when its hard, it is not ok to give up. Its not ok to give up on myself. And sometimes, not giving up on myself is reflected in how I treat those close to me.
The other night I received a text. It could have ruined a friendship. I could have taken it as a sign of that, and cut off contact. It wouldn't be the first time I reacted that way, in this kind of situation. I could have taken it personally. I could have decided that I wasn't worth it. Or that she wasn't.
But I didn't. I didn't react in the way that is natural for me. I didn't respond with an f-u message. I just said, "I'll call you in a few." And guess what? That text was simply someone actually hanging that sign around her neck. Saying "I'm scared and feeling vulnerable, are you my friend?" Remember my post a few days ago about the signs I wished I could hang around my neck? ( Signs Link) Well she did! She had the courage to. How often have each one of us been there? I was there when I called her. I needed a friend as much as she did. I needed to call as much as she needed me to. We all need friends. I isolate when I am scared, or when life gets hard, or when I don't want to face whatever it is in front of me. Or when I am embarrassed. Or... Point being, I isolate.
Sometimes the people we love, the people who are closest to us, don't do what we want them to. Sometimes our lives move in different directions. I know this. I know that I can't keep people in my life that aren't good for me, that are too far from me, that take and never give. I know that its not giving up, its letting go. I know that in my head. My heart, it has a hard time letting go. It has a hard time telling those I am connected with to keep up or get left behind.
Sometimes I am the one who needs to keep up. I drag others down and they take the time to stop and carry me, to push me to my feet and get me moving again, so I can keep up. I strive to be that person for others, although I am learning how few that number can really be. I have to be the one to put my feet on the ground. To go forward, to move, to eventually, well, keep up. Not in a bad way, just in the way that life is. And guess what, sometimes people don't keep up. And you leave them behind. And sometimes I don't keep up, and I get left behind. But sometimes, sometimes, when you help someone, and they see where you are, they keep up. And sometimes, you realize that they haven't just kept up, they have found their own way. And its beautiful.
But I coach 7 year olds at soccer. Fun, learning the game, being a team, all of that is more important than winning. And the secret is that all of that actually adds up to winning. We work on foundations. We practice. We have a blast on and off the field, while running and while taking breaks and eating popsicles. We support and love each other even when we make mistakes. We help players who are new, who are struggling. Wow. How can I incorporate that into the rest of my life? And where does my original statement come into play? Hmmm. Well, the players help each other keep up. And they SHOW UP! And they look out for each other so that no one gets left behind. But let me tell you, if there is a player who is straggling, who isn't playing up to par, who maybe has given up on them self, the team of the game, who isn't, dare I say it, keeping up, the TEAM lets them know. The others players bring it up. They encourage and support but they also are there to keep each other on their toes and to encourage each other to do their best.
Its not acceptable to give up. It isn't ok not to try. Even, especially, when its hard, it is not ok to give up. Its not ok to give up on myself. And sometimes, not giving up on myself is reflected in how I treat those close to me.
The other night I received a text. It could have ruined a friendship. I could have taken it as a sign of that, and cut off contact. It wouldn't be the first time I reacted that way, in this kind of situation. I could have taken it personally. I could have decided that I wasn't worth it. Or that she wasn't.
But I didn't. I didn't react in the way that is natural for me. I didn't respond with an f-u message. I just said, "I'll call you in a few." And guess what? That text was simply someone actually hanging that sign around her neck. Saying "I'm scared and feeling vulnerable, are you my friend?" Remember my post a few days ago about the signs I wished I could hang around my neck? ( Signs Link) Well she did! She had the courage to. How often have each one of us been there? I was there when I called her. I needed a friend as much as she did. I needed to call as much as she needed me to. We all need friends. I isolate when I am scared, or when life gets hard, or when I don't want to face whatever it is in front of me. Or when I am embarrassed. Or... Point being, I isolate.
Sometimes the people we love, the people who are closest to us, don't do what we want them to. Sometimes our lives move in different directions. I know this. I know that I can't keep people in my life that aren't good for me, that are too far from me, that take and never give. I know that its not giving up, its letting go. I know that in my head. My heart, it has a hard time letting go. It has a hard time telling those I am connected with to keep up or get left behind.
Sometimes I am the one who needs to keep up. I drag others down and they take the time to stop and carry me, to push me to my feet and get me moving again, so I can keep up. I strive to be that person for others, although I am learning how few that number can really be. I have to be the one to put my feet on the ground. To go forward, to move, to eventually, well, keep up. Not in a bad way, just in the way that life is. And guess what, sometimes people don't keep up. And you leave them behind. And sometimes I don't keep up, and I get left behind. But sometimes, sometimes, when you help someone, and they see where you are, they keep up. And sometimes, you realize that they haven't just kept up, they have found their own way. And its beautiful.
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